On counting the steps in the Barnegat Bay Lighthouse

I wake up most days already out of breath:
justification can take a lot out of you,
even as a residual effect, an aftershock,
a slow withdrawl.
Southern drawls
that stand out here like not much else does,
and a change in personality we are told about
but I've never been able to recognize,
drowned out by the wind,
when you think everyone just got so quiet.
And it's not quite the same
as a postcard, but still,
a view.
If you missed the windows,
well, some people prefer it that way.
Facing out bayside and knowing that all these places,
destinations and curiosities and anti-landmarks
will be passed on the drive home soon enough,
and not the ocean, with its empty promises
and mantras, and walking towards the parking lot
we can't even remember now
who is watching who.